HP on deathwatch

You know, when you start copying the work of others your best days are behind you. HP unveiled their newest "Envy" line of laptops (which, frankly, are stupidly named the exact same as the kickass printers HP makes, but that is seriously the least of their worries) last month. Anyone who has been near a MacBook Pro in the past few years got a huge chuckle at HP's expense because the keyboard, aluminum chassis and overall look of the Envy is nearly identical to Apple's Pro laptops. Hilarious, right? Oh wait, there's more. See, to PROVE HP wasn't just photocopying Apple, they made this unintentionally hilarious video attempting to explain all the subtle design awesomeness that the rest of us were missing. Like that totally killer volume knob grafted onto the side of the laptop like a vagina stuck on Frankenstein's neck. Surely people wanted this? Surely it won't get accidentally cranked up to 11 when putting it in a laptop bag, right? RIGHT?

What's saddest is the utter lack of passion in this video. Look at how many times the younger designer gazes at the floor. You'll never see Jony Ive do this. He also says "probably the best audio in the industry"... Look dude, if you HAVE the best audio product, you HAVE to say it -- no equivocations. I get the feeling they "had" to integrate Beats at some point and I wonder how late in the design stage it was.

Then there's the older, wiser design guy. He actually says you have to balance luxury with performance. O RLY? Tell that to Rolls Royce. Or Mercedes, BMW, Maserati, Bugati, etc. etc. Luxury and power are synonymous when you do things right. The fact that they are spewing nonsense actually makes sense when you see this through the terrifying lens of "someone who could be fired if they say this is dumb."

I mean, consider that these guys probably have families, work for a (formerly) prestigious brand, and likely have million-dollar tiny ass houses in Silicon Valley somewhere. They send their kids to great schools, live in a great place, and pay with their souls.

I do NOT envy them, HP or this masterwork of fraud masquerading as innovation. Check the video below and prepare to laugh. Then cry.