12 percent? You have to be kidding me.

Read this post and tell me it wasn't lovingly crafted from an Adobe fanboy. I'm not saying it was written BY Adobe, but it has the feel of someone who is desperately (or not) trying to amp up Flash as some sort of universal, open-source tool that can make the Web what it really should be AND slice and dice your veggies AND replace all computers some day. Yeah, I didn't make that last part up.

Some hilarious quotes here:
"Android certainly wasn’t even the first platform to support Flash (that honor actually goes to Windows Mobile)"
Yes, and how many people do you see with Windows Mobile devices actually USING Flash? The article, quoting ReadWriteWeb, notes that only 12 percent of mobile phones currently SUPPORT Flash. Somehow that number is supposed to be impressive. I have no idea in what universe... Oh right, the one where Flash is an "open standard" LULZ4EVER!

"Plenty of rich and wonderful apps, but a whole lot of empty boxes on a whole lot of websites."
Yes, we poor iOS users know nothing about "rich and wonderful apps" on our platform. Oh, you mean there are hundreds of thousands of apps on our store? Huh. And you mean pisspoor shit like Angry Birds, Cut the Rope, Bebot, Dueapp, Calvetica, Infinity Blade, You Gotta See This, WordLens... oh you get the idea. What the fuck? Granted, I have seen some very cool things using Flash -- but to say that because Adobe refuses to build an HTML5 exporter we iOS users are somehow losing out on restaurants who farm out their menu pages to some dipshit college kid with a pirated copy of Creative Suite (among other dipshits who can't code their websites properly), is just ignorant.

"Apple maintains that Flash in inherently insecure, although its desktop and laptop products have supported it for years."
Desktops have supported malware for years, how the fuck is this a relevant point? Making a case that Flash is somehow magically secure makes me want to vomit into my boxed copy of Norton Antivirus.

This time the article quotes Adobe as saying, "Video in particular is driving demand for the plugin..."
Bwaahaha, yeah, and even Google has opted out. They say webm, Apple and many others say H264. Point is, we are long past the days when Adobe is the sole provider of accessible video on the internet. Come ON guys, this is 2011!

"Real-time video and audio collaboration? Check."
Oh, you mean like screen-sharing and FaceTime? Check.

"High-performance web gaming? Check."
Oh, you mean like Unity? Check.

"3D visualization and modeling? Check."
Again, see Unity above. Although there are other options for this besides Flash and Unity, yeesh.

"Further death knells for the desktop computer? Check."
Wait, WHAT? What fresh hell is this? The author is talking about Flash Media Server... What the holy Merlin's Nuts does this have to do with the "death" of the desktop computer? Not even a drunk goat can draw a trail leading to this one... Man, way to destroy any shred of credibility with that sour note at the end.

Finally, the gem which Gruber chose to save for future claim chowder:
"I give Apple a year until they cave. Android tablets will just be too cool and too useful for both entertainment and enterprise applications if they don’t."

Ha, yeah. Because Apple "caving" is why we still have ADB ports, SCSI, floppies and cheap plastic casings on our computers. Utter fucking genius, this one.